Around Hanwell and up the allotment

Brentford FC in the Premier League 2021/22– episode 9

Marching on with Eriksen…

Only three games for the Bees in March because of the international break at the end of the month and our swift exit from The FA Cup at the start of the previous one.

Norwich City 1 Brentford 3 Saturday 5 March

A lovely walk through old Norwich to a lovely old ground for a traditional Saturday 3pm kick-off.

The pointless portal here today was pink, which I don’t think I’ve come across that often. And it was way off position – half way towards the centre spot! No ex-Bees at Norwich, though they do have the wonderfully-named ‘Pukki’. And Brentford’s Sergi Canos is an ex-Canary.

Pink portal approaches centre circle in its excitement…

Each seat had a large blue or yellow card for fans to hold up in solidarity with Ukraine. It was well respected by both sets of fans, all 26,887 of us, and sure puts things in perspective. I’m hoping the familiar Brentford chant of ‘Red army!’ during the display was not intended in the military sense.

In the reverse fixture in November, Norwich beat us in a game we fully expected to win. With Christian Eriksen starting and Ivan Toney back, we were more expectant than complacent about this one. We played in all white, which made a nice change from the standard all-yellow away. We also sang and sang throughout both halves, though I didn’t much care for the dubious chant of ‘We’ve only got five… you’ve got six fingers…’ Ugh.

The green pole is carrying a revolving screen.

Around half-time there were a few announcements concerning Mr Carrow, which seemed to amuse the Norwich fans. Who is this Mr Carrow?

Jonathan Rowe on the cover of the matchday programme.

The matchday programme is called OTBC (On The Ball, City – though they weren’t much today). It had an interesting article ‘Seasons in the sun’ that describes the 1934/35 season at the end of which Brentford finished top of Div 2 and went up to Div 1 for the first time. At the start of that season Norwich had just won Div 3 and joined Brentford in Div 2; their first time at that level. The following season would be Canaries’ last at the Nest before moving to Carrow Road. Fascinating stuff. The junior bit (Captain Canary’s Classroom) is pretty good, with a nice and easy spot the difference.

It was an exciting game. Four goals, including two penalties. Two goals disallowed. Loads of yellow cards. We played well and we won! Christian Eriksen was inspirational, which made the whole team raise their game. And Ivan Toney got a hat-trick, Brentford’s first ever in the Premier League.

A whopping eight minutes were added on at the end, during which we chanted ‘Dean Smith is a Brentford fan’ and ‘Deano, Deano, give us a wave.’ Dean Smith the Norwich manager was of course Thomas Frank’s predecessor at Brentford before going to Aston Villa, the club he’s supported since boyhood.

Chatting to Norwich fans in the pub later on, we learned that ‘Mr Carrow’ is a security code: a flare had been lit in the away fan section concourse.

Anna Sewell, author of Black Beauty, was born here.

The next day we visited Great Yarmouth, or Gee Tee Yarmouth as the satnav lady kept calling it. Interesting place.

Brentford 2 Burnley 0 Saturday 12 March

After two years of Covid and not a sniff of a snuffle or a sneeze and now I have the mother of all colds. A lateral test shows negative but I don’t feel up to going to the game and I don’t think it would be a good look in our section of the stand either. So my wife went by herself and I missed my first league game of the season.

At 3pm I switched on the radio and listened to the game, the experience supplemented by occasional texts from my wife and other fellow Bees fans.

Just as at Norwich the fans found a large blue or yellow card on their seat to hold up in solidarity with Ukraine. And just as at Norwich the display was well respected. Being towards the top of the North Stand our section had blue cards. Yellow cards were at a premium, as I’m told much fun was later had brandishing them at former Brentford centre-back James Tarkowski. Poor old Tarks. An excellent player but he did leave under a bit of a cloud.

As the game wore on without a goal scored I became a little apprehensive, given the Turf Moor tonking we witnessed in October, and despite the presence of Eriksen today. But then Ivan Toney scored with five minutes to go. Then Burnley had a player sent off and Ivan Toney got another in the fourth minute of time added on.

Burnley’s manager, Sean ‘Royal’ Dyche can’t have been happy, but I was. I ended up sending two texts, both of them read ‘YESSSSS!’, straight after each goal.

Leicester City 2 Brentford 1 Sunday 20 March

We drove up the day before and stayed in the south part of Leicester, near the lovely Aylestone Meadows and the path alongside the canal and the River Soar that goes all the way up to the Kingpower Stadium. This is Lineker-land – there’s a photo of him behind the bar at the Soar Point pub not too far from the ground). We had breakfast there, then went for a wander round the city centre.

Along with Norgaard and Jensen, Christian Eriksen has been picked to play for Denmark. That’s great news – his reason for joining Brentford has already paid off. David Raya has been selected for the Spain squad for the first time, Saman Ghoddos will be with Iran and Marcus Forss has had a Finland call-up.

But Christian won’t be playing today – he’s got Covid. Uh-oh. Tricky cos we still need a win or two to be sure of staying up. And Leicester have got some decent players: Jamie Vardy and Kasper Schmeichel of course, and Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall, whose surname sounds like a place where university students live, or perhaps a venue for posh wedding receptions. And we hadn’t forgotten how maddened by Madison we were in the home tie last October.

The King Power stadium is a good size and good-looking. It felt like the many pylons around were channelling power to the area around the ground and the 31,830 souls inside. Perhaps the power soothes and moderates the bittersweet of recent Premier League glory and the sorrow of much-loved owner tragedy.

Nampalys Mendy on the cover of the matchday programme.

A flick through a matchday programme that has a very good article on the history of Brentford, spoilt a little by the inclusion of a photo of Kevin O’Connor that is actually Mark Phillips. Newcastle made the same mistake in their programme last November. Is it possible this was provided and mis-labelled by Brentford? The Junior Foxes section is a disappointment, just one page and no spot the difference.

Even before the 2pm kick-off the Brentford fans were happily singing “Leicester’s a s*******e, I wanna go home”. Ha, ha, but Leicester is anything but. Have to confess we were surprised at how lovely it is. Well the city centre anyway. Romans, Richard III, lovely old buildings, history info boards and cycle lanes. All done very well.

What wasn’t done well was the banging of a big bass drum somewhere away to the left. I know, I didn’t think Leicester were that kind of a club either. “We’re Brentford FC, we don’t need a drum”, we sang. But we did need something. There was no bite up front and we kept giving the ball away. Outplayed and outfoxed, we deserved to be 2–0 down at half time.

Thomas Frank normally manages to conjure something up over the tea and orange segments but in the second half we couldn’t even get out of our own penalty area. Ominous. All of us away fans were standing up of course but the guy next to us could take no more. He just had to sit down, even though it meant missing all the action on the pitch. “Don’t worry mate,” we told him, “we’ll let you know if we ever cross the halfway line.”

Eventually we did. Quite a bit. Finished brightly. Wissa scored and a draw was on the cards. After the game we met some old friends round the corner by Filbert Street, at the end of the road where the old ground was and Leicester Tigers rugby now is. Then into town for pints, chat and the game on telly at the Soar Point. We weren’t too sore, I guess.

Next time

Reasons to be cheerful 1, 2, 3…

1 We’re 15th, with 30 points. That’s eight points clear of the drop zone, and the teams below have mostly caught up with their games in hand. Thank goodness for those two recent wins!

2 Rico has signed a new contract… will that be a confidence booster?

3 Christian Eriksen comes on for Denmark. Three touches later scores a ‘worldie’. And gets precious game time. Meanwhile David Raya gets to start for Spain – he’s a worldie!

A Hanwell walk 2 – Hanwell Broadway heading east

The Clock Tower and the café of the same name just behind

If Hanwell has a proper centre it must be Hanwell Clock Tower, built in 1937 to mark the coronation of King George VI. Though modest as clock towers go, it has a certain appeal. It’s also popular – messages and tokens of sympathy and encouragement are occasionally found here, though sometimes it seems the clock tower itself could do with a bit of TLC.

Hanwell Clock Tower stands on a wide stretch of pavement by the crossroads, a nodal point where Boston Road and Cherington Road meet Hanwell Broadway. Beyond the clock tower is an imposing façade behind which Domino’s Pizza once kneaded and baked, but is now boarded up. I believe it was once a branch of Barclays bank. Next door is the ever-popular Clocktower Café, a nice spot on a sunny day.

Cherington Road starts with a few shops, one of which is Plaza Pianos, for all things piano, a nod to Hanwell’s musical heritage. A little further along is Hanwell Library, which re-opened in June 2021 as a volunteer-led initiative after Ealing Council passed over its day-to-day running to the local community in 2019. The exterior was used as the police station in the film Carry On Constable in 1960. Funny really, because there is/was a real police station just around the corner.

The route east from here comprises three sections of the Uxbridge Road (aka the A4020): Hanwell Broadway, then what some call Cemetery Stretch, and finally West Ealing Broadway. In the Middle Ages, the route we now call the Uxbridge Road was one of the two main ones running west from London, and used to be known as the Oxford Road turnpike. The other, more southerly route, followed an old Roman road that ran in part along what is now Brentford High Street.

Hanwell Broadway

Hanwell Broadway isn’t particularly broad and its way isn’t long, a couple of hundred yards perhaps, but it does pack a lot in. In the heyday of the horse, it boasted two coaching inns where horses, drivers and passengers could rest and get refreshment. The Kings Arms (originally the Spencer Arms) was rebuilt in 1930, and around the same time so was the nearby Duke of York. For some years the latter was in decline. The signage outside had been reduced to a mere –KE of –O– and street drinkers occupied the benches nearby. It’s great to see that under the new management the sign has been restored to its former glory and the street drinkers have moved elsewhere. Might be worth a visit to see what’s now on offer inside.

Signage now restored to its previous grandeur

Many will know that in 1960 Jim Marshall, a drummer and drum teacher, opened a shop in Hanwell in what is now Tony’s Barbers. This is commemorated by a plaque on the pavement outside. Jim started off selling drums, and then included guitars. Several customers, including The Who’s Pete Townshend, said they were looking for a guitar amp that was louder than the UK models available at the time, but not as expensive as the more powerful American imports.

So, in 1962, Jim set up Marshall Amplification. With the help of Dudley Craven and Ken Bran, he built the box of tricks that produced the world-famous Marshall sound: a distorted wail with a distinctive crunch. Hanwell became the Home of Loud.

In 1963, the Makers of Loud moved across the road to bigger premises and from then on business boomed. Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton (who went to school with my aunt, doncha know), Jimmy Page and Ronnie Wood were soon using Marshall gear. And the ultimate accolade – yes, it’s a Marshall amp that gets turned up to 11 in This Is Spinal Tap.

The move across the road is marked by a blue plaque above Hanwell Halal Meat & Groceries, on the corner of Cherington Road, which was a once a branch of Taplin’s Ladieswear shops. The need for yet bigger premises led Marshall to reluctantly move out of Hanwell in 1967, though some of their famous rock musician clients may well have returned to look at luxury motors when Hanwells Bentley and Rolls-Royce specialists opened in 1975.

Jim Marshall died in 2012. The following year the first Hanwell Hootie was held, and has been held each year since, though for the past couple of years it’s been affected by you-know-what. The Hootie is a one-day music festival in which live music events continue throughout the day in a host of small venues (mostly pubs).

Who remembers trolley-buses? This one’s just by Hanwell Bus Garage, in 1961

Behind the posh car emporium there’s a Lidl and Poundstretcher, with a handy car park adjacent. This was once Hanwell Bus Garage, that closed in 1993 – On The Buses no more.

You might notice other plaques on the pavements and litter bins featuring the Hanwell phoenix. Does anyone know the story behind this emblem?

Hanwell Broadway has a good selection of shops and eateries. There are no outstanding restaurants, but no chains or franchises either, that I’m aware of, which is no bad thing. On the north side of Hanwell Broadway, the stand out stores for me are Hanwell Fishmonger, the indie local gift shop and the Post Office. Further along you have Lavin’s Bar, which opens at 9am, and our local pharmacy.

On the south side corner with Boston Road, the Fade To Black corner café is a coffee specialist with a double hit of community feel and mini minaret (the latter on the top of the building). The Hong Kong Garden Chinese takeaway was a great favourite until it closed. I found it impossible not to quietly hum the Siouxsie & The Banshees song of the same name while waiting to collect my chicken chow mein and chop suey.

A few years ago there was a very good Indian restaurant on Hanwell Broadway called Bawarchi. The owner, Balbir, was a great guy. We miss him, and his delicious seafood mix starter. When he sold up, the premises became a Polish restaurant. In an inspired piece of repurposing the new owners kept all the furniture and signage, simply changing a few letters on the shop front so it reads Bawaro. Now there’s a new sign announcing Bistro U Kucharzy – European Cousine (sic). Must visit sometime.

Near the end of the southern stretch is Gold’s Gym. It has the usual facilities, plus a swimming pool, sauna and steam rooms, and a pleasant smell. At least, it did when I used to go there. The site was once home to J Alsfords, one of the busiest timber yards in west London. Sawn wood is another lovely smell.

On the corner of the Broadway and St George’s Road is Our Lady & St Joseph Church. It was originally built in 1864 for the hundreds of Irish navvies working on grand projects like Brunel’s Wharncliffe Viaduct, and the Windmill Bridge complex over towards Southall. Up till then the nearest Roman Catholic church was miles away, in Hammersmith, I believe. Said to have been a charming traditional Victorian structure, the original St Joseph’s was demolished in 1963 and eventually replaced by the current building, described by Nicholas Pevsner as ‘a horrible jagged outline of concrete dormers’. I quite like it.

Cemetery Stretch

The new-ish mini-roundabout at the eastern end of Hanwell Broadway announces a quieter stretch of the Uxbridge Road in terms of atmosphere, if not traffic volumes. It has a muted feel with its two cemeteries and its new and not-so-new houses and flats.

On the right (naturally) is the Conservative Club, a members-only social club with a bar, garden and small hall. It holds events such as bingo, darts, ukulele and quiz nights.

Next door is the first of the cemeteries, Hanwell Cemetery, which used to be called City of Westminster Cemetery. By the entrance is a lovely old lodge of stone, next to a yew tree, and there are many conifers among the graves, tombs and statues throughout.

The entrance to the second cemetery is a bit further along on the left-hand side, past Azalea Close and Aria Mews as you head east. The Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea Cemetery also has an old stone lodge by the entrance, and a hedge-lined avenue draws you towards the chapel and the paths that weave around the memorial statues, tall trees and headstones.

The cemeteries are both fascinating and peaceful. All is still but there is much activity all the same. Mourners and gardeners go quietly about their business. Many graves have partially subsided and have leaning gravestones; a lot of work must go into maintaining them and the grounds around. The Hanwell cemeteries will be the subject of a future article.

Wish they’d let me in so I could find out what’s behind the tree door…

A little further along, one of the trees that line the pavement has what looks like a door. On the opposite side of the road Michael Gaynor Close/Barchester Close is a modern-ish estate of flats. Does anyone know who Michael Gaynor is/was? I can’t find any information about him. Does he live behind the tree door?

Next time – the walk continues into West Ealing…

If you’d like to find out more about Hanwell, local historian David Blackwell has a fascinating collection of books, maps and photos, old and new, of Hanwell and neighbouring areas. They are on display at Hanwell Library on the first Saturday of each month from 10am to 3pm.

Brentford FC in the Premier League 2021/22 – episode 8

February made us shiver

Everton 4 Brentford 1 (FA Cup) 4th round Saturday 5 February

Everton have a new manager. Not sure they’re right for each other, but hey-ho. We shall speculate on how long before the Magic Lamp starts singing a different kind of blues.

Couldn’t go cos of work. First game of season missed, home or away. Someone should compose a paean to those who go home and away, rain or shine, every season. Commitment. Dedication. Is their outlook different to home onlys?

But we will be there for the Prem League near the end of the season.

Manchester City 2 Brentford 0 Wednesday 9 February

The train up to Manchester, hotel check-in and a wander round. It’s been a long time since either of us has visited Manchester. It’s been a long time since we had to deal with such a long losing run. A long time since we’ve felt the loom of relegation at this point in the season.

We like Manchester. Memories of Afflecks Palace and all that. But these days there are many more street characters and homeless hopefuls than before. Meanwhile James Watt reads a book about steam engines.

Manchester bee images abound, not unlike our own humble bumble, they symbolise the city’s age-old work ethic. Not sure how hard City would have to work today…

As we Bees swarmed to the 7.45pm kick off under a blue moon, word went round that Ivan Toney had injured his calf and that Canos and Ghoddos would be playing up front. Gosh.

The Etihad is a beautiful stadium, especially at night with the constellations of bright lights adorning the massive steel framework and the flash motors in the carpark. Starry starry night. The programme seller also offers the club magazine and the club songbook…

No Covid tests. Concrete innards and a smaller concourse than Spurs but does the job with quick service and easy access to the spacious seats – plenty of leg room here. Through the clouds from the smoke machines, the energetic waving of big flags and the din of Blue Moon and something by Oasis I failed to notice the cardboard portal of silliness and I’m glad I did, though I did notice the wonderfully large scoreboard.

The only downside is that the away section is split over two tiers, which made coordinated singing difficult for those of us in the upper level. It made it harder to compete with the City fans, who love to sing and did so all game.

In the first half we were nervy, then competent but not brilliant. We fended off the best team in the world for 40 minutes, until Raheem Sterling drew a foul from Mads Roerslev and Mahrez pooped in the penalty. What a shame. Half time came and the PA treated us to some more Oasis.

The matchday programme features an interesting bit about Kevin Cummins, NME photographer and City fan who in 1980 did a shoot with Madness and still got to the game at Coventry by dint of deviousness. I loved the NME in those days. Everyone did.

The half-time Pep-talk had City ramping up the action way down the other end of the pitch. Raya was kept busy and just one slip, a fluffed pass that ended up at Sterling’s feet. Shot saved but ball fell to De Bruyne, who was never going to miss from there.

Wissa and Mbeumo came on. City went into cruise control, but there was no time wasting. Sign of a good side?

Scuffles on the lower tier at the interface of Brentford and City fans. Amazed it went on for so long given the huge number of stewards and police. Sparked I think by objects thrown down from upper-tier City fans away to our left. No one got thumped.

As we left the ground to the accompaniment of more Oasis, we were just grateful Brentford didn’t get a thumping either. As for City? No one can stop them now – coz they are all made of stars.

Brentford 0 Crystal Palace 0 Saturday 12 February

An even-muster-winner game if ever there was. Well, certainly must not lose. Need to halt the slide.

We missed the introduction of Onward Christian Eriksen before the game. Guess he’ll be making his first-team debut before too long.

One of the portal porters telling Pontus that most other clubs’ portals are plywood not cardboard

‘Palace have a plywood portal… pass it on!’

Palace are strong and tricksy, as we discovered at their place way back in August. They also have the brilliant but easily provoked Wilfred Saha up their sleeve.

In the first half some good football was played, entertaining stuff. In the second half Palace improved and we didn’t, a familiar pattern where a once solid defence gets rattled and resorts to scrappy clearances. We just didn’t look like we’d score. The fans instead started hoping we wouldn’t concede, we’d be happy with the point.

Controversy about the cross a Palace player handballed that the ref didn’t give. Funny how bad the refereeing is when you’re not winning.

The draw was a fair result. Our heads are still above water.

Arsenal 2 Brentford 0 Saturday 19 February

Twenty years ago a Gooner ex-colleague was forever going on about going up the Arse. Until one day some wag asked him if he ever took his girlfriend…

Patrick Vieira, who we saw at Brentford with his Palace team just last week.

Micah Richards has been getting some stick after saying on Radio5live that Brentford are overrated. I’m not sure who by, but he does have a point. We’ve long since stopped being the breath-of-fresh-air newcomer surprise package that beat Arsenal in the first game of this Premier League season.Patrick Vieira, who we saw at Brentford with his Palace team just last week.

In the concourse for a pie and a pint. All good tho small compared with Spurs and City. The telly tells us Newcastle only drew. We’re so happy, one of the shit cushions is still in place. This is what it’s come to…

Arsenal are certainly a lot better now, but still have a tendency to self destruct. A red mist (with white sleeves and white shorts) still sometimes descends and leaves its red calling card.

We weathered the first half but storm clouds awaited the start of the second.

Arsenal’s matchday programme has a lively community feel to it and the easiest Spot the Difference, ever.

A welcome belated patch of sunny blue greeted our VAR-confirmed consolation at the Emirates.

The clock from the old Highbury Clock End told us Arsenal’s revenge was all but in the bag and, well, we hadn’t expect to win this one anyway. Most of the shit cushion teams below us didn’t win either.

As we file down Upper Street to the Spoonies at the Angel I muse aloud that we might finish by staying up with the lowest points total ever. No one laughs. I am rebuked.

Brentford 0 Newcastle United 2 Saturday 26 February

Hanwell Town has a strong connection to Newcastle so opened their bar to Newcastle fans before the game, even though Hanwell were playing away today. Nice touch.

It felt like spring as we walked to the stadium, and hope springs eternal as we learn that Ivan Toney and Christian Eriksen are on the bench. Eleven games left and the season starts here!

In five minutes’ time they’ll be taking it down again.

But our new season lasted not much longer than the no-sooner-assembled-than-dismantled pointless pre-kick-off portal when Josh de Silva was sent off after just 11 minutes. And we’d started so brightly, too. Indeed it took Newcastle ages to score.

In ten minutes’ time Josh’ll be back in the dressing room again.

Midway through the second half Christian Eriksen came on to massive applause from all. To come back from near death as he has. Ivan Toney came on too, but it was too little too late. You got a taste of what’s to come with Eriksen’s dominance of the midfield and exquisite passing. You certainly noticed the whole team lift.

Before this game Newcastle were one of the shit cushions below us. Now we’ve become one of the shit cushions below them. Thomas and the players still did the walk around the edge of the pitch. Christian Eriksen spent more time than anyone applauding the fans and was the last to go down the tunnel. Does anyone else think he looks a little bit like Budgie from the Banshees?

Next time…

All this talk about going down, when there are still 11 games to play. Thing is, when you haven’t won for such a long time you wonder where the hell it’s going to come from. Well, next week at Norwich. Obviously.

Brentford FC in the Premier League 2021/22 – episode 7

January’s New Dawn Fades

Brentford 2 Aston Villa 1 Sunday 2 January

Back in balmy August we got a draw at Villa in our third ever Premier League game. After that, things were a bit patchy for them, and in October/November, ex-Bees manager Dean Smith’s Villa lost five in a row. He got sacked and is now at Norwich. He was replaced by Steven Gerrard, who has won four out of seven. And so the Happy New Year manager-go-round goes round and round.

Full of enthusiasm we strode to the ground for a 2pm kick-off. Sunshine on a rainy day as the drizzle fizzled out. As the teams lined up each side of the cardboard portal thing before kick-off, we could see that Villa’s away kit for this game was a midnight blue version of Chelsea’s home kit. At least it’s not the all too frequent all yellow away kit that Brentford and several other clubs have adopted this season.

Ex-Bee Ezri Konsa was playing at the back for Villa. Ex-Bee’s striker Ollie Watkins wasn’t even on the bench. Covid maybe?

Inside the ground the sun disappeared. The wind rose and pushed the clouds, buffeting them against the regular procession of planes descending towards Heathrow. It mirrored our efforts on the pitch. After a breezy start we were labouring, slower than Villa to every ball. So we were more disappointed than surprised when Danny Ings put them ahead on 16 minutes after a sublime drag-back and pass by Buendia. But we fought back and equalised just before half time – a lovely curler from Wissa.

The second half was all Villa in possession, but they couldn’t find a way through. Their frustration evident in Trezeguet’s shocking dive that later went viral on social media. Bees’ patience and effort got a reward on 83 minutes when Roerslev shot, the goalie parried and Roerslev shot again. Yes!

After the game we met up with a couple of Bees friends in the Rose and Crown in South Ealing. We let it all sink in while sinking a pint. We were excited yet nervous about how it was all going now we were at the half-way mark…

Port Vale 1 Brentford 4 (FA Cup 3rd Round) Saturday 8 January

A train to Stoke. Again. We came here for the Carabao in October. We walked to Hanley for a Spoony’s lunch, then yomped up to Burslem and just about made it in time for kick-off at 3pm. Vale Park is a nice old ground. Sit anywhere you want in the away end, so we were able to watch the second half with our friends once we’d found them. No programmes? They don’t do a printed programme any more but you can download one. Not a bad thing, I guess.

The Tree Stories sculpture tells a tale to a pushchair as we head to the ground

Robbie Williams is local hero/major shareholder. Bailed them out in 2006. And yes, they do run out to Let Me Entertain You! Lemmy was also from Burslem and a Port Vale fan and Ace of Spades is also played before each game.

Ex-Bee Leon Legge is at the club, but didn’t feature today. The manager is Darrell Clarke, a no-nonsense former Vale player and all-round good bloke, by all accounts.

Attendance was restricted to 9,000-odd to avoid the need for Covid checks. The actual gate was 8,069, 1,126 of whom were Brentford. There was no scoreboard or clock visible to away fans, and the PA system cut out so often not a single one of the announcements was comprehensible. At least the wifi was good, so we could track events on our phones more easily than in big stadiums.

In the first half we were good, visibly a different class. So much so that all the action was down the other end of the pitch, but we managed only one goal, smashed in by Forss on 26 minutes. We entertained themselves by singing our way through the Bees songs back catalogue, including the Sammy Saunders song (You are the love of my life…) that includes an offer dubious on so many levels). Sammy seems to be the love of Steve Pound’s life these days since he started playing at Hanwell Town. After nearly every game Steve presents Sam with the MoM champers… and good luck to him.

In the second half Vale were much better, more tenacious and had some good chances. So much so that it seemed the ball was never destined to come down our end. Until Bryan was unleashed from the bench on 62 minutes. Four minutes later he scored. Then Vale scored. Game on! Then Bryan scored again. Then Toney was awarded what I thought was a rather soft penalty. He very generously gave the ball to Bryan to complete his hat trick. What a gent. And it was good to see Kristoffer Ayer back after his injury.

Mbeumo’s shot is crossing the line, parlez-vous?

After the game our friends gave us a lift back to Hanwell. It was nice to doze in the back seat, warm and dry.

Southampton 4 Brentford 1 (rearranged from 18 December) Tuesday 11 January

We soon found out what Saints had in store for us

This game had been postponed because some of Brentford’s players/staff had Covid. For this rearranged fixture we managed to get a lift there and back. Could get used to this for any evening mid-week away games outside London. At the ground, I couldn’t find a programme seller, once again. And what with the slow Covid checks we missed the cardboard portal of doom palaver. But we were just in time for the taking of the knee.

The Saints manager is Ralph Hasenhüttl, who seems to have done a pretty good job so far, despite having no ex-Bees on the playing staff.

From the off, all 27,383 spectators made a lot of noise, not just us away fans. From the off, Saints dominated. We tried and failed nearly all game. The desire for us to play better at times led me to wish it was Brentford playing in the red and white stripes with black shorts that’s so similar to our home kit.

2-1 at half time. Could we get a draw second half? No, we continued to be a victim of Ward-Prowse’s prowess, save for a couple of decent chances near the end when it was too late.

Saints fans were full of song all game long. We found ourselves sandwiched between ‘We’re the Itchen, we’re the Itchen, we’re the Itchen over here’ and ‘We’re the North End, we’re the North End, we’re the North End over here’. And every round of ‘Come on Brentford!’ we belted out was instantly drowned out by ‘F**k off Brentford!’ from both sides.

All around the ground a phone torch starry starry light show glittered against the dark behind the floodlights. They were winning 4-1 and they deserved it.

As the game drew to its painful end we were treated to ‘It’s a long way back to London when you’re shit’. It was a long way back to London, and we were, a bit…

I bought a programme online. Lots of stuff about new owners Sport Republic, backed by a Serbian billionaire. Also a heart-breaking article about ex-Saint Sam McQueen’s fight against repeated injury and the toll it took on his mental health. And a very good Junior Saints section with perhaps the hardest Spot the Difference I’ve ever come across.

Liverpool 3 Brentford 0 Sunday 16 January

This is what you dream of when you picture a season in the Premier League – a trip to Anfield. And a 2pm kick-off is quite good when it still gets dark early.

We arrived at Liverpool Lime Street the day before so we could have a look round – the Radio City Tower, the Philharmonic pub (a Victorian marvel), Albert Dock, Chinatown and the Italian Club Seafood restaurant.

The Metropolitan Cathedral had a fascinating display about the Irish who arrived in the city in their thousands, fleeing the Potato Famine in the 19th century. They built the docks in Liverpool that at one point in the late 19th century handled 40% of ALL world trade. They built the towers of London, too.

It was also an interesting walk to the ground. Found a programme seller straightaway – card only like at Spurs. Great ground, great buzz outside, a bit of an anti-climax inside. We expected a bit more in a relatively compact stadium with almost 53,000 people sitting in it.

Tucked away in corner at the back of the away section we felt a bit claustrophobic. Like being in an observation pillbox. We heard and joined in with the minute’s applause for Liverpool legend Billy Liddell (who I confess I’d never heard of), but the acoustics meant we couldn’t hear much else.

Brentford played in white, a nice change from the usual away yellow. We played well too, at least in the first half. It was so good to see Rico back after injury. Our dreams of making it to half time nearly came true but Liverpool scored just beforehand. But then we started the second half well, too. We were playing much better than we had against Southampton. But once Liverpool netted their second goal it was all over really. And that would have been a fair score line. But another defensive slip-up in the 77th minute and Minamino made it 3–0.

We sang well throughout, some of the chants good-natured taunts that Anfield was a ground full of tourists (not Tories as I and others misheard) and ‘race you back to London’. Liverpool fans were chuffed at the news coming though that Everton had sacked Rafa – there’s Schadenfeude for you!

The programme was pretty good, not exceptional – authoritatively confident, like the club. On social media we were praised for not singing about Hillsborough. It’s sickening that anyone would.

Brentford 1 Man United 3 (rearranged from 14 December) Wednesday 19 January

This one was originally postponed because of cases of Covid in the United camp. And here we are at five to eight on a dark chilly night as the United players emerge from the tunnel of hope and slow-jog towards the cardboard portal of disarray in a pleasing away kit of blue top with yellow shorts.

The players fled the cardboard portal when it spewed forth the referee

Brentford were the better team in the first half. United gave the ball away surprisingly often, they weren’t playing as a team. We had loads of chances that even at that early stage we thought we’d later regret missing. And missing describes Cristiano Ronaldo’s first half performance. Love him or hate him, he did used to be a top player. Not so sure he still is. Did he always used to cheat this much? Some of his falling-over show was shown on social media later. Laughable. At least the ref didn’t fall for it much.

At half-time the big screen showed an interview with Christian Norgaard, who has just signed a new contract. Interesting stuff and what a nice guy. And with the continued talk of Christian Eriksen maybe joining the club, it’s… Onward Christian Soldiers?

In the second half United improved. Both sides had loads of chances. United took theirs better. Their passing was more accurate too, we began resorting to too many hopeful hoofs. We chanted ‘Live round the corner, you only…’ but in fairness the away fans sang and sang strong with a definite Mancunian twang, at least to my ears.

I guess the Bees players tried to follow the plan. They certainly tried to play. But it didn’t work, and some of them seemed off the boil. Many of the fans near us were fuming with frustration and disappointment. They’re devoted to the club but feel we should be better than this, even if we don’t win. On 67 minutes there was a minute’s applause for Pete Hayward, a devoted Bees fan and tireless charity fundraiser who had recently passed away.

On 71 minutes Ronaldo was substituted after a busy evening of falling over and moaning at his team-mates and the ref. By this time United were 2-0 up. Apparently he also threw a tantrum in the dugout, unhappy at being taken off.

Marcus Rashford got a third for United and Toney got a consolation for Brentford, in what was a bit of a missed opportunity of a game.

Brentford 1 Wolves 2 Saturday 22 January

Ah, nothing like a good old-fashioned Saturday 3pm kick-off, we all agreed as we settled in our seats. But the phrase ‘must-win game’ soon took our pre-match chats after three defeats in a row.

I blame the slightly off-centre positioning of the preposterous portal…

After the cardboard portal of nonsense there was a minute’s applause for those who have passed away over the past year. During the clapping I looked around the stadium and thought I saw a drone above the corner where the south stand meets the west stand, but it was just a plane descending towards Heathrow.

Brentford started brightly, lots of possession, winning tackles and moving the ball around. All seemed to be going well and there was no hint of the mayhem that was to follow. So, deep breath…

Around the 20-minute mark Rico Henry and Matthias Jensen both went for the same ball. A sickening collision of heads. There was a long delay before they were taken off the pitch, each bleeding from gashes to the head. Some fans went for an early half-time pint. Baptiste and Roerslev came on as concussion subs, meaning we could still make the usual number of further substitutions.

Wolves were better when the first half resumed. Bees had had to reorganise and seemed a bit unsettled. But only a few minutes later the more eagle-eyed among the crowd started pointing to the sky. It was a drone, flying over and around the ground, sometimes dropping as low as the top of the stand. The players were led off the pitch, cos them’s the rules. More fans went for an early half-time pint, some were going for seconds. At one point the drone disappeared, then returned. 19 minutes later play resumed. Wolves again quickly got into their stride and Bees’ play was more disjointed, so it was no surprise when the visitors soon scored.

At half time proper, many more fans went for refreshments, some for the second or third time. After half time the players and linos came onto the pitch, but where was the ref? We were kept waiting for five minutes or so, during which time the squiffy wag in the seat behind suggested a further return to the bar…

At some point a helicopter appeared and hovered around for a while, presumably as a drone deterrent. Meanwhile, back down here, Wolves resumed their dominant play. One of their players was red carded but it was rejected by VAR.

Ivan Toney scored. Jubilation mixed with apprehension. At that point I’d have settled for a draw. But Wolves scored again, what turned out to be the winner. Their goalie went into immediate time wasting mode. Like Raya did at Molineux when we were two nil up and down to ten men. What went around was now coming around.

In our section of the stand all was anger, frustration. I started humming ‘Let the Heartache Begin’ to myself. Some are blaming our goalies. When will Raya be back? Not soon enough but it’s not their fault. General defensive lapses? Tiredness?

Thomas trying to explain the ‘no dickheads’ policy to the ref

After the final whistle there was a melee in the centre circle, during which Thomas Frank got two yellows and was sent off. What a way to celebrate signing a new contract that keeps him at Brentford until 2025.

Oh dear. Four defeats in a row and a make-or-break two-week winter break to fix it. During which to hope Christian Eriksen finally joins and we get that nifty Forest player we’re after.

Next time…

January was meant to be a quiet month but rearranged fixtures and a cup game put paid to that. Games coming thick and fast is fine when all your players are fit and you win some of them. So here’s hoping for a successful integration of new and returning players, a boost to those who’ve signed extended contracts (Pontus, Norgaard and Bryan) and a refreshed mindset in February. And here’s hoping Toney’s silly comments about the club can be turned into a motivating positive. Come on you Bees!

Brentford FC in the Premier League 2021/22 – episode 6

December’s games – thick and fast

Tottenham Hotspur 2 Brentford 0 – Thursday 2 December

‘Spurs fan?’ asked security outside the Blue Coats pub near the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. ‘No.’ But he let us in anyway. Inside it was loud and friendly, and the service well organised and super-efficient. The positivity and optimism of these fans confounded my abiding memory of the Spurs fan I worked with in the 1990s. He wore a replica shirt to work on every shift, and even when they won was oh so glum, ‘We’ll probably lose next week.’

White Hart Lane has long been a distant memory of a couple of visits many years ago. This was my first time at the new stadium, and… it’s amazing. Big, bright, spacious. At most grounds, programme sellers are cash-only, even now. Here, they’re contactless-only.

Light show like something out of Close Encounters.

Waiting on the concourse involved playing our little game of managerial merry-go-round guess who’s the opposition manager this week. And of course, this evening it’s much-travelled heart-throb Antonio Conte. We also enjoyed a mega sausage roll and a pint or two. At our seats the pre-match light show was worthy of Glastonbury.

The stadium has a capacity of 62,850, including an away fan allocation of around 3,000. The attendance was 54,202. I wonder how many were Brentford. A glance at the match day programme; nice and glossy with a couple of almost-amusing caption errors under Sergi Canos’s photo.

My sheltered upbringing means I’ve never heard of the Spanish position, nor have I ever met someone who was Forward.

Tottenham cruised much of the game; they looked like they could’ve stepped up a gear had they needed to. Son Heung-Min was the stand-out player. So quick and skilful. He got an assist for Sergi Canos’s own goal on 12 minutes and scored one himself on 65 minutes. He also took all the corners, bouncing the ball like a tennis player before placing it on the corner quadrant.

It was a philosophical trudge that we made to Wood Green tube in the cold night air.

Leeds United 2 Brentford 2 – Saturday 4 December

We arrived in Leeds the night before the game, to be greeted by cold, wind and rain. Revisiting the Leeds side streets that we slipped down in our student days. Back streets and back alley pubs, some cash-only with no music, TV or wifi. Myriad Asian restaurants, many of them very good (we’ve been here before in the Championship).

We chatted about the game in prospect as we walked along the River Aire and through the railway station hinterland, then followed the hordes down to Holbeck and across the motorway footbridge to Elland Road.

Ex-Bees Stuart Dallas and Adam Forshaw are here. The popular Toumani Diagouraga, aka ‘Toums’, or even ‘Dave’ to some, left Brentford for Leeds in 2016, and is now at Morecombe. And of course our very own Pontus Janson came to Brentford from Leeds. The club have recovered well from the dark days of 2007/10 when they were down and nearly out in League 1.

The pre-match entertainment didn’t dampen our spirits.

Triangle man is sitting in front of us, blowing up red balloons and launching them above the frozen breath of the crowd. At home games he rings a triangle whenever Brentford get a corner. Been doing it for years and was one of the first Bees fans we ever met. On six minutes there was applause for Arthur Labinjo-Hughes, the child abused and killed by his father and his father’s partner who have just been sentenced. So sad and really puts things in perspective.

The match day programme is the smallest I’ve seen, but not in a bad way – it’s more pocket friendly in size. Each of the articles in the early section (the important ones that don’t usually tell you much) are signed off ‘Marching on together’, which seems to be a common theme in the signage.

On the pitch though, Leeds were marching decidedly out of step. They scored first, then we got two. As we reminded them to the tune of “Love Will Tear Us Apart”, ‘Leeds, Leeds are falling apart, again.’

‘Scoreboard, scoreboard, tell us the score!’

We were playing much better than in the previous few games. But Leeds nicked an equaliser in 90+5. From a corner at which Alvaro looked dazed and unsteady following a collision. Didn’t that happen at Spurs, too? The ground has a capacity of nearly 38,000. The attendance was 35,639. Some Leeds fans were chanting that we hadn’t sold all of our allocation.

Leeds were happy to save it at the end. We were disappointed but OK with the result. As we left the ground and into the dark streets, some Leeds fans were growling abuse at anyone in Bees colours, including youngsters. We later read that objects had been thrown at Sergi Canos and Bryan Mbeumo. This is certainly not Newcastle.

Brentford 2 Watford 1 – Friday 10 December

We usually do well on a Friday. On the way to the ground we span the wheel of managerial merry-go-round guess who’s the opposition manager – it’s Claudio Ranieri! Stand out players are Cleverley and Sissoko. Tinkerman meets Little and Large?

As usual, the cardboard portal to Premier League survival was assembled before the start of the game. Five minutes later it was dismantled.

Watford were in yellow shirts with thin black hoops. All the players took the knee and the fans applauded. We started well. Lots of possession. Winning the ball back well in midfield. Janelt safe and steady playing at left centreback. ‘He comes from Germany…’

Then Watford scored. A recurring nightmare as yellow flare smoke came wafting along the stand from the away section and our play became disjointed. Just like the Norwich game. Triangle man responded by blowing up red balloons again and punching them into the cold night air.

Watford goalie trying to put Bryan off by the penalty spot.

We got two late on to win the game. A Pontus header on 84. A Bryan penalty on 90+5. Watford were stunned, Hornets stung by Bees.

Brentford v Manchester United – Tuesday 14 December

There could be no better time to play United, a club in transition following the sacking of Solskjaer, and the immediate departure of caretaker Michael Carrick after his final game. Rangnick’s got his work cut out with an unsettled squad.

We’ve even done the Covid vaccination pass stuff. But no, the game was postponed due to cases of Covid in the United camp. B***er. Surprised to learn that top-level players at some clubs haven’t been vaccinated. Whatever the rights and wrongs, you’d have thought the big clubs would have insisted on it, when they control so much else of their players’ lives.

Southampton v Brentford – Saturday 18 December

Postponed, this time because of cases of Covid in the Brentford camp. Thomas Frank is among those calling for all games to be called off until the situation is resolved. That won’t happen.

Brentford 0 Chelsea 2 (EFL Cup Quarter Final) – Tuesday 21 December

A 7.45pm kick-off, and we arrived earlier than usual for the Covid pass checks now being introduced at all grounds. Some fans were even wearing masks, which may explain why the singing was a bit muted.

Brentford were inflicted with an unfair yellow on 11 minutes which left many bemoaning the favour referees appear to give the elite clubs. I’m not sure how true that is, but it certainly set the tone for subsequent decisions.

Chelsea dominated possession in the first half with their lovely, precise passing. But we had the best chances. Half-time entertainment came in the form of the Brentford subs (probably unwittingly) skipping and high-kicking in time to Wham’s “Last Christmas”.

In the second half Chelsea turned up the heat and brought on Jorginho and Pulisic. Ghoddos came on for Henry on 73 minutes, a decision that mystified some fellow-fans. On 74 minutes the ball was cleared, looping out of play and down into the stairway exit near our section of the North Stand. We cheered as though we’d scored. Not long after, Chelsea brought on the biggest gun, N’Golo Kanté, who immediately controlled the midfield. Ominous. His pass to Reece James led to goalmouth confusion and Pontus own-goaled. Five minutes later we conceded a soft penalty.

Chelsea players applaud their fans. Thomas Frank applauds ours.

We played well but Chelsea deserved to win. Roll on the old cliché about concentrating on the league and isn’t the FA Cup a bigger deal anyway?

Brighton 2 Brentford 0 – Sunday 26 December

The first of the return fixtures. An 8.00 pm kick-off on a Boxing Day Sunday with no trains running and several other games postponed because of Covid. Brentford fans met the travel challenge admirably, in our case by driving down the day before in unending rain and through many partially flooded roads.

A walk to the sea at Rottingdean during a lull in the drizzle and later a ride on a bus full of Brighton fans to the ground. Its capacity is 30,666 and the gate was 30,141, though many of them must’ve arrived late because the place looked half empty in the first half.

Couldn’t find a programme seller so I ordered one online the next day. It’s pretty good, with an interesting section on Brentford. There’s also a pull-out section-cum-poster on Brighton player Tariq Lamptey. We know manager Graham Potter from his time at Swansea in the Championship. Seems a decent fellow.

Sometimes it felt like we were tilting at windmills like this one on the South Downs.

A more thorough Covid pass check but still no attempt at verification. More masks being worn. A pie and a pint on the concourse. We like the ground and its cushioned seats but there was no sitting down today. After a bright start by Brentford, Trossard scored for Brighton on the counter. Then ex-Bee Neal Maupay got their second with a wonder strike.

It didn’t take Brighton’s fans long to take our ‘Hey Sergi Canos, ooh, ah! I wanna know, how d’ya score that goal!’ song and adapt it to Neal Maupay. A double stab to the heart. The top deck of the bus back to the hotel rang with choruses of ‘Albion! Albion!’

Seagulls entering the portal of imminent victory before the game.

Brighton are the first and probably won’t be the last team to do the double over us this season. They’ve had a bad run of results recently and it wouldn’t surprise me if we were the last team they beat, way back in September.

In the days after this game there was unease on social media about whether our performance suffered because of injuries, tiredness or style of play. We side with those who say this affects most clubs outside the big four, so get behind the team and enjoy this special time come what may.

Brentford 0 Manchester City 1 – Wednesday 29 December

All a bit weird, two days before the game the Premier League announced a record 103 new cases of Covid-19 among Premier League clubs’ staff and players during the previous week. But most games are going ahead nevertheless. The club was doing a more thorough inspection of Covid passes than previously, so much so that mine was rejected and it took some persuading that it was indeed not out of date.

Man City practising before the game. But they don’t really need to.

An 8.15pm kick-off because it was being shown on Amazon. The camera operator scuttled away from the centre spot and only just made it to the touchline before kick-off. What’s that all about?

City played in light blue. It was a nice change for an away team to play in a strip other than yellow, especially when Brentford’s away kit is also yellow. Whatever happened to that lovely away kit from last season (or maybe the one before) – dark grey with orange/red socks?

The game? Oh, yeah. Well we were brilliant. One of the best performances I’ve seen from Brentford, though I am starting to think there’s a grain of truth in the referees never book stars allegation. Champions and table toppers City got away with a good few bits of naughtiness.

City’s goal came from a De Bruyne pass that was so perfect you hardly noticed Foden guide it into the net.

Next time…

Well, that was some sleigh ride together for two, too. And we go again on Sunday with the second of the return fixtures, at home to Villa. Mercifully, there are just three league games and one FA Cup game in January, unless the Premier League decides to shoe-horn in some rearranged fixtures.

Stop press, the Premier League has just decided to shoe-horn in the postponed game at Southampton a few days after Port Vale.

Happy New Year!

Brentford FC in the Premier League 2021/22 – episode 5

November – getting back into our stride

Brentford 1 Norwich City 2 – Saturday 6 November

After three straight league defeats this was starting to feel like a must-win tussle against a side who haven’t won a single game all season.

The Last Post was well observed by all, except for one drunken Norwich fan, at what would be the last home game before Remembrance Sunday. The Norwich fans were first out of the blocks with the singing, easily out-performing the Brentford. The Norwich players were doing well on the pitch too, smelling blood as Brentford couldn’t get their act together.

When Normann scored for Norwich their fans let off a yellowy-green flare. People were complaining about the smell, but I quite liked it. Then Pukki scored, but no follow-up flare was forthcoming. Perhaps the fans hadn’t considered they’d get more than one goal. They settled instead for a rendition of ‘We’re winning away, we’re winning away. How s**t must you be…’

Thomas Frank made some bold substitutions in an attempt to right the ship. Bold as in surprising, to some of the fans around us. Only Bryan Mbeumo appeared to be playing well. Rico got one back for us on 60 minutes and we looked good for a while. An equaliser seemed possible.

…that our lads should strike such curious poses

It was so disappointing. We really should’ve won at home to the bottom club, who up till now had lost seven and drawn two. Brave Thomas Frank still did his walk round the edge of pitch, applauding the fans. Many of the players did a shorter lap of appreciation, not much more than the edge of the centre circle.

Some Brentford fans with children were seated near the away fans section. A couple of them weren’t happy at the intimidating behaviour of some of the Norwich fans. Apparently it was much worse than the usual away fan banter.

To top it all, the Norwich manager, Daniel Farke, was sacked after the game despite winning. Harsh. He was soon replaced by ex-Brentford boss Dean Smith. And so it goes, round and round.

In the days that followed Brentford fans were taken to task on social media for not singing loud enough for long enough. Some are suggesting that outsiders have been applying to be club members in order to buy tickets to sell to away fans at a profit, thus diluting the proportion of true fans in the crowd. Whatever the truth of it, while we do need to be more consistently supportive when things aren’t going well, it can’t be the reason things are patchy on the pitch.

We’re singing a sad song at the moment, and the whole club needs to make it better (preferably by the end of the international break).

Newcastle United 3 Brentford 3 – Saturday 20 November

The full moon on the Tyne is mine all mine

We have fond memories of coming here when Newcastle were in the Championship, even though we lost. Is it really five years since we were last in The Home of Greggs?

We were also excited at the prospect of our first game since the international break and return to a place we like, so we went up on the train the day before. We passed through Durham, which looks beautiful and unspoilt – must visit one day. Then the Angel of the North up on the hill just to the east. We had a lovely seafood meal at Big Mussels – they should have these everywhere.

The morning before the game, we walked across the curved angle of a bouncy footbridge over the river to Gateshead and west along the south bank of the Tyne footpath. Then back over the river on the high road bridge, my legs weak with vertigo.

You can see the Isle of Man from up here

More vertigo was experienced while climbing/crawling up to our seats. St James’s Park is lower on two sides to give light to some beautiful Georgian terraced houses right by the stadium. The very top of one of the high sides is where they put the away fans. Somewhere far, far below, the Bees are playing the Magpies. Meanwhile, up here, Bees fans are reminding Newcastle that Ivan Toney was once on their books – ‘He left cos you’re s**t!’, etc.

It was certainly an exciting game. Newcastle scored on 10 minutes and Ivan Toney equalised a minute later. Rico then put us in the lead on the half-hour, and Newcastle equalised shortly after.

When Newcastle fans cheer, they sure do cheer, a tumultuous roar from 50,000-odd Geordies whenever Newcastle went on the attack. Wonder if they ever heard us, a thousand or so Bees fans up in the gods, as anything more than a distant faint buzz, even though we sang our hearts out.

Jamie from Made in Chelsea on the cover of the programme

New manager Eddie Howe wasn’t present; he’s got Covid. But he was on the cover of the match day programme. At least, I think it was him. The programme’s away team section was interesting, as always. Spent most of half time looking at a picture of Kevin O’Connor that didn’t look like him. But who else could it be?

The second half didn’t disappoint. Onyeka put us back in the lead on the hour mark but we knew it was far from over. On 75 minutes Newcastle equalised again and went all out for the winner. But we held on. We’re getting better at that.

Somewhere down there we’ve just earned a thrilling draw

After the game we met up with some Bees friends and went to the Trent Star pub nearby. Heaving with Newcastle fans it was. A few of them clocked our accents and turned round for a chat. Asking us about the game and the club. All very friendly and not a hint of bother.

Brentford 1 Everton 0 – Sunday 28 November

‘Tickets?’ was the one-word email sent by my Everton-supporting friend that was supposed to pass for a message of congratulation when Bees got promoted way back in sunny May.

Rafa Benitez didn’t pick Ivan Toney when both were at Newcastle Utd. We always do. Rafa’s now at injury-ravaged Everton. Bet he wishes he had an Ivan Toney there.

Our first home game in a while and boy was it cold. So cold Sergei’s barnet had turned a frosty snowman grey. Or maybe he’s been at the hair-dye again. Everton were wearing their home kit at an away fixture. Is that unusual?

Brentford started brightly, controlling the midfield, with Toney sometimes coming deep to help out more than usual. Indeed, we bossed the whole of the first half.

We got a VAR-assisted penalty on 24 minutes after Andros Townsend kicked Frank ‘the Tank’ Onyeka in the side of the head. We were all surprised that Townsend wasn’t booked, but after seeing it on telly later I reckon the ref got it right. I hate watching Ivan Toney take those two-step penalties. They always go in, though. He doesn’t look at the ball, or the goal. His eyes stay fixed on the goalie. He sent England’s No.1, Jordan Pickford, the wrong way.

The wags in the row behind proceeded to discuss the heights of various goalkeepers. Eventually I worked out that ‘T-Rex arms’ is Pickford. A little harsh.

Everton seemed sluggish and ordinary, apart from Dacouré. But in the second half they were much better and we were mostly pretty awful. Desperate clearances hoofed high and hopeful. We just couldn’t keep possession of the ball. But weirdly, the longer it went on, the less likely it looked that Everton would score, for all their domination and waves of attacks. For us it was more frustrating than fingernail-biting.

But three points is three points and a clean sheet is a clean sheet. The victory came as a welcome respite from a winless run of five games in the league. There were some good Brentford performances, too, particularly from Alvaro ‘Woah-Oh!’ Fernandez and Charlie ‘E’s a’ Goode. And Wissa looked useful when he came on near the end. So good to see him back from his ankle injury.

‘Aaaaaaaargh!’ was the one-word email sent by my Everton-supporting friend later that evening.

Next time…

Nice to end the month on a high note. And nice that although we’ve lost a few games we haven’t been tonked yet, so the goal difference is OK. Now we need to gird our loins for a whole eight games in December – seven in the league and one in the EFL Cup. Merry Christmas everyone and Bee Happy!

Brentford FC in the Premier League 2021/22 – episode 4

October – a month of two halves

West Ham 1 Brentford 2 – Sunday 2 October

The Tube train to the London Stadium for this 2pm Sunday kick-off was largely empty. A few fans of both clubs, a handful of London Marathon early finishers and their supporters. 150 Bees fans travelled by boat. It would’ve been 190 but the tide was out on the Thames.

Brunch with our Hammers-fan in-laws, then a stroll through the impressive approaches to the stadium. Inside the ground the gently curving stand sprawled away from the pitch at a shallow angle and up into the steel rafters in the top tier where we were. You need binoculars.

Another Brentford extended family affair, this time with Said Benrahma in the starting line-up for West Ham. We hoped his performance today would be as disappointing as the ‘We’re Forever Blowing Bubbles’ bubbles machine pre-match display. There was a minute’s applause for Roger Hunt… another childhood hero has passed away.

In the first half we had more possession, but it was still a massive surprise when Bryan Mbeumo scored on 20 minutes. The West Ham fans had been quiet, now they were even quieter. At half time we perused the West Ham match day programme, which like Wolves, is a good one with more facts than ads, and a fold-out junior quiz section with a poster of Aaron Cresswell on the back.

Somewhere down there Wissa’s just scored the winner

In the second half West Ham were much better, and the bubbles machine cranked back into action when Bowen scored on 80 minutes. The West Ham fans burst into a tumult of noise that cascaded on as they searched for the winner. There’s always one… a home fan took it upon himself to try baiting the entire away section. We gently scolded him with ‘School in the morning…’ He didn’t even seem to notice when Yoanne Wissa scored our winner in the 94th minute.

After the game we went for a stroll around, with a spring in the step after the unexpected win. It’s an interesting area, a mix of post-2012 rejuvenation and old school cool bohemian. We headed towards Bethnal Green, stopping off at a quiet old pub on the Old Ford Road. Then along Roman Road, which a couple of thousand years ago actually was a Roman road, connecting Londinium to Venta Icenorum, the capital of the Iceni tribe, up Norwich way.

Brentford 0 Chelsea 1 – Saturday 16 October

Another west London derby was also taking place today, in the Championship, between Fulham and QPR. What some were calling El Crapico…

We received an email from Brentford before the game warning that the friendly old ‘Chelsea R**t Boys!’ bants chant wasn’t terribly woke and that anyone singing it could get thrown out of the ground. In the words of Morrissey before he went awol, ‘F-f-f-fair enough!’

It was Thomas Frank’s birthday a few days ago, and today he’s been Bees manager for three years. Amazing. There was an atmosphere of warmth in the stadium but a chill in the air at this 5.30pm kick-off. At some point in the just-ended international break summer turned belatedly to autumn.

A stirring ‘Hey Jude’, and Ivan Toney at last has his own song, to the tune of ‘Yes Sir, I Can Boogie’

In the first half Brentford were mostly dashing about chasing shadows, though we did get a couple of chances. Chelsea dominated with quick movement and accurate passing but strangely no shots on target. Could we hang on till half time? Nearly, but no. A good goal by Chilwell just before half time didn’t augur well for the second half.

But the second half went well for the Bees. It was exciting stuff. And in the last 20 minutes we threw everything at the Chelsea goal, including a couple of kitchen sinks.

This was the best I’d ever seen Brentford play. There was dignity in this defeat.

Brentford 1 Leicester City 2 – Saturday 23 October

It wasn’t buzzing in the Brentford Community Stadium as 2pm kick-off approached. The mood was apprehensive, as though an impending premiership reality check loomed after the happy haze of previous games. The only smiles were brought by the pre-match individual shots of the Brentford players on the big screen. They looked a touch fey, camp even.

Leicester were good, especially on the break. Fast and strong. Teilemans was the stand-out player throughout, especially his screamer on 14 minutes. The threat of Vardy never really materialised, indeed he was replaced at half time. More worryingly for us, so was Pinnock.

At 60 minutes, Zanka flicked in a headed equaliser from a corner via a Jensen cross. Then to our credit we pressed and pressed for the winner. It didn’t come, at least not for Brentford. Maddening Maddison scored following a brilliant pass from Tielemans to Daka.

It was a frustrating game for Brentford. As one fellow fan put it, sometimes you lose a game trying to win it – at least we tried. And nine games in, it’s won three, drawn three, lost three. Not bad for a bus stop in Hounslow.

Stoke City 1 Brentford 2 – Wednesday 27 October (EFL Cup)

Bad news before we set off – Raya injured his knee in the Leicester game and is likely to be out for five months. Eek!

We took the train to Stoke and before the game mooched around the Potteries Museum & Art Gallery in Hanley, then said hello to a statue of Stanley Matthews in the pedestrian precinct.

A pre-match pint in Spoonies, then a walk to the ground along a ghostly canal, lit by lights planted on the path. There wasn’t another soul, which was weird. Eventually we were joined by throngs of fans for the final stretch from the canal up to the impressive frontage of the Bet 365 Stadium and another Stanley Matthews statue. This invoked all too vivid memories of a visit here in the Championship in 2018 and the trauma caused by a malfunctioning cubicle door lock…

So where were the Stoke fans? Only 8,140 of them, plus 1,440 Bees fans, in a stadium that holds 30,000. Brentford settled quickly, outplayed Stoke and went 2–0 up with goals by Canos and Toney down the other end of the pitch. Excellent, we’d have a close-up view of all our second half goals. But Stoke got better, their fans got behind them and we got complacent. Silly defensive errors, giving the ball away, and missed chances. Stoke got a goal back courtesy of ex-Bee Romaine Sawyers.

Brentford fans started spending less time singing and more time nail biting. We did not want this to go to penalties. In the end we held on. The players’ tunnel was near the away end, just below us. We applauded our players, then Thomas Frank, then Romaine.

We followed the horde back towards the centre of Stoke. Their fans peeled off to their homes gradually, in ones and twos, and we were once again alone by the time we returned to a now almost-empty Spoonies. Next morning, we popped into the Potbank Heritage Centre. Well worth a visit. It’s on part of the site of the old Spode pottery complex that closed down in 2009. It seems Stoke has yet to fully recover.

On Saturday we’ll find out who we’ve got in the next round. We hope it’s Sunderland at home, and most certainly not Sunderland away.

Burnley 3 Brentford 1 – Saturday 30 October

A long drive to Burnley in the Friday rain, to the Premier Inn that used to be a factory of sorts. A Saturday morning walk along the Leeds–Liverpool canal that goes above the houses, overlooked by the moor that frames the town. A proper brekkie at Olivers. The people here are friendly.

Turf Moor is a lovely ground in the east part of town. James Tarkowski’s the resident ex-Bee who’s grown into a central defender par excellence, though André Gray was here for a while too. Before kick-off there was silence while the Last Post was played at Burnley’s last home game before Remembrance Sunday.

As for the game? We got spanked by one of the bottom teams, who were 3–0 up by half time and certainly deserved their first win of the season. Maxwel Cornet looks a good signing for them.

The match day programme is called ‘Turf’. Fewer pages than most, but it’s pretty good, and includes an interesting away fan’s viewpoint. Throughout the game we were intrigued by circular mirror reflections moving across the pitch. Also noticed that the home and away players had separate tunnels at diagonally opposite corners of the ground. Not seen that before and not a bad idea in these times.

Too much action at the wrong end of the pitch

A sweet goal by Ghoddos on 79 minutes took a little of the edge off the embarrassment.

Only in Burnley… after the game we walked past a pub that’s been renamed the Royal Dyche. Later chatted with fellow Bees fans in the hotel bar, righting the wrongs. Next morning, the long drive back in the Sunday rain.

Next time…

Winning against Stoke means we will have eight games in December, one of which is Chelsea at home in the next round of the EFL Cup. But there are just three games in November, against Norwich, Newcastle and Everton. It’s fantastic following Brentford on this season’s journey, but it ain’t half costly, mum. Not the match tickets so much, but trains and hotels. No wonder so many die-hards get a fans’ coach or drive, and don’t stay the night before/after away games. And the admin’s quite an industry, planning and booking it all. Exciting too, though.

Rumtopf, Pontack and Nelson’s Blood

Grow your own booze

The Last of the Summer Wine – old demijohns in the garden

Years ago, the only booze we grew was home-made wine, using just about any fruit or vegetable growing, or going, on our allotment. I even made rose petal wine as a kid. You need a lot of petals. Once I’d removed every petal from the bushes in our garden (no one seemed to mind) I started on the neighbours’. Of course, I asked permission (most of the time). It was perhaps the only wine I ever made that didn’t give a hangover the size of Hanover and out of all proportion to the enjoyment of the sip. Even my mum liked it.

There are plenty of recipes online and in books. And you’ll find nearly all the gear you need in your local Wilko.

We no longer make wine as such – we now have other ways of growing our own booze. Here’s a brief A–Z (or A–S to be precise) of them.

Apples

We’ve made cider a few times, but usually find that apple juice fresh out of the screw press tastes too divine to do anything else with. So, the only contribution of the apple to our festivities these days is as an ingredient in rumtopf (see Rumtopf below).

Crab apples

A Swedish recipe in which 20 or so crab apples are washed, halved then steeped in a jar of vodka for a few months in a dark place, turning and shaking from time to time. You can make it with or without sugar – we usually do one of each. After two weeks (with sugar) or two months (without) you strain off and bottle the infused vodka. The remaining vodka-steeped fruit makes a lovely jelly-jam. This year we’re trying it with gin.

Cucumbers

A fellow plot holder introduced us to the joys of cucumber in gin. The cucumbers we grow are sweeter and crunchier than shop-bought ones and have a slight lemony taste. The perfect snack once your glass is empty!

Damsons

Damson gin is lovely. Don’t bother removing the stone-pips; too fiddly. Just pick, rinse, prick and pickle in gin – not easy to say after a damson gin or two. Add half as much sugar as you have fruit, cover and leave for three months. After the damson gin has been decanted off, the gin-soaked fruit makes a delicious damson gin jam, which isn’t that easy to say either. It also makes a super sauce.

Elder

Elderflowers scent cordials. Elderberries are chock-full of vitamins and make great syrup. Both are popular with wine-makers. I came across this recipe for Pontack Sauce in Richard Mabey’s Food for Free. It’s not really booze but it is interesting. Pontack Sauce was once a must in the luggage of every retired military gentleman when travelling.

Take a deep breath and: pour one pint of boiling claret over a pint of elderberries in a stone jar. Cover and stand overnight in an oven on a very low heat. The next day, pour off the liquid into a saucepan with a teaspoon of salt, a blade of mace, 40 peppercorns, 12 cloves, a finely chopped onion, some ginger, and a partridge in a pear tree. Boil for ten minutes, bottle and – here’s the best bit – leave for seven years. Seven years? A recipe too far, methinks.

Greengages

These go well in rumptopf, along with apples and any other fruit that takes your fancy. What is rumtopf, apart from being a lovely word? (see Rumtopf below)

Hops

One of our plot neighbours grows hops, supported by pieces of string hung from a large wooden frame, in a runner bean style. The hops are used to make craft beer. Haven’t tried it, but I’m told craft beer slops make good fertiliser.

Marrows

Marrow rum is an interesting concept that we’ve yet to try as it seems a bit laborious. In short it involves cutting the top off a marrow, scooping out the seeds and filling with demerara sugar and a yeast preparation. You fix the marrow top back on and when the marrow starts to drip, drain into a demijohn and add raisins. Fit an airlock and let it ferment, then bottle and leave for a year or so. Hmm, might give it a go.

You can find the complete recipe here: Marrow Rum Recipe – How to Make Marrow Rum (lowcostliving.co.uk)

Wasps don’t talk about love – they only wanna get drunk

Plums

These don’t tend to finish up in the booze production channel. But each autumn we do notice wasps getting plastered on the rotting windfalls.

Potatoes

It’s illegal to make potato vodka at home but you can find dozens of ‘hypothetical walk-through’ recipes online.

Rosehips

The only home-made wine we stuck with after abandoning all others. Sweet and sherry-like, and not too headachy. These days we either do rosehip syrup (more vitamins than oranges) or rosehip sauce (great with pork).

Rumtopf

Friends in Southport introduced us to this delight. Use just about any fruit you fancy; dried, frozen or fresh. We go with greengages, apples and sultanas. Chop larger fruit into bite-sized pieces, and mix with the remaining fruit. Add half the amount of sugar and leave for an hour. Put in a pot, add rum and leave in a dark cupboard for two or three months. Add more rum if needed.

Sloes

Sloe gin. As for Damson gin above. After the sloe gin has been decanted off, you can use the gin-soaked fruit to make Nelson’s Blood. Pour ruby port on the fruit to fill the jar, seal and leave for three months.

*Nelson, from the Kellogg’s 1966 Heads of Fame series, assembled by me after breakfast, aged eight*

Sour cherries

If any are spared by wild animals, or by us (great with ice-cream and shaved dark chocolate), cherry whisky is the way to go. Stone a pound of sour cherries (I guess ordinary ones would do just as well), chop up the flesh and crush the stones. Add to a big jar, along with half a nutmeg, a blade of mace, a few peppercorns and a tablespoon of sugar. Fill to the top with whisky and put a lid on it. Two weeks later you’d be saying ‘What a winter warmer!’ if it weren’t such a cliché.

Brentford FC in the Premier League 2021/22 – episode 3

September going steady

Brentford 0 Brighton 1 – Saturday 11 September 2021

Welcome back to Brentford Neal Maupay, albeit at a different ground to the one he left in 2019. He and his Brighton team-mates came out onto the pitch in an all-light blue/pale turquoise away kit. Nice.

Brighton’s manager these days is the respected Graham Potter. Notable members of his team include Welbeck, Dunks, Trossard and Cucurella, their new No.3 with the big hair who’s a good player but tricksy. The first half was scrappy, like a Championship game. Our fans were subdued. Theirs less so, much noisier than Arsenal’s.

In the second half Brighton fell over often and the referee fell for it often. Most frustrating. Not like Brighton of old who used to play good football. Is this what it takes to stay up? For a long time Maupay was the exception, seeming to have cleaned up his act, at least for this game. He’s certainly a better player these days.

In the 90th minute, the Seagulls swooped to conquer and Trossard scored. They grabbed the points like robbing chips from a child on a seaside promenade. Maupay couldn’t resist a little centre spot time wasting malarkey to prevent Brentford restarting briskly in the hope of a last gasp equaliser. Our first defeat in 16 Championship and Premier League matches.

Memory of this one best left inside the stadium

Wolves 0 Brentford 2 – Saturday 18 September 2021

Played a shambles of a gig at the Poly here in 1979. Next visit was 35 years later to watch the Bees in the Championship in 2014. I remember the ground was lovely but the scoreline that day wasn’t – Wolves won despite going down to 10 men. No sign of ex-Bee George Saville. After the game the small city centre was deserted in that dead zone between Christmas and New Year.

This time it’s different. Both clubs are in the Premier League. Seems everyone in the throwback shopping centre is wearing Wulfrunian gold with black trim. We spotted Mark Frost, who played villain Ray Crosby in Coronation Street until February this year, sitting outside a café in the main square.

Molineux is a short walk from the city centre. On the way we trudged up Wulfruna Street, past St Peter’s Collegiate Church, a large 15th century church built of red sandstone in the Perpendicular style. Then down the other side to the stadium which was as lovely as we remembered. Good ambience, the many food stalls outside gave it a festival/market feel. Fans cool and friendly. Saw Corrie Crosby again.

Got to our seats just three rows back from pitch side when two guys who used to sit next to us at Griffin Park suddenly appeared in the seats bang in front of us. ‘We’re not stalking you!’ said one, and we had a nice old natter. The flame thrower display was impressive but being so near, the heat from the blasts was a bit much. The home fans joining in for ‘Heigh-ho WOLVERHAMPTON!’ was deafening.

Another place of worship – this time with a giant walkie-talkie

The first half was exciting. We scored four times, two of them rejected by VAR. Elation that we were 2–0 up at half time. The programme tells us Robert Plant is one of the club’s Vice Presidents. So, can I resist the temptation to say that Wolves’ players had suffered a Communication Breakdown? No, I can’t. By the way, Wolves’ matchday programme is one of the best I’ve seen. 100 pages of quality info and photos. And a fun two-page scratchcard quiz.

In the second half, Baptiste got a silly second yellow. We felt for him. Down to 10 men, we were determined to hold on to our lead. Timewasting isn’t nice, but needs must. By the way, Mr Wolves Manager, Raya didn’t change his goalkeeping gloves to waste time – one of them got ripped after getting stuck on the crossbar.

A flipped repeat of December 2014. But what a game. And what a result! We floated on cloud nine back to the main square for a sarnie at Alice’s Tea Rooms – a decent café run by a friendly Louis Theroux look-a-like.

The Bluebrick is a lovely pub near Wolverhampton railway station that itself was the main station until 1967. We had a pint there, strolled round to the new station then got the train home.

Brentford 7 Oldham 0 – Tuesday 21 September 2021 [EFL Cup aka Carabao Cup]

A midnight slip road in Oldham, 1978. Shivering in the rain trying to hitch a lift back to Leeds after Bowie at Bingley Hall and missing the Manchester train connection. I also recall that Oldham’s ground is nicknamed Ice Station Zebra and reputed to be the coldest in England. Combined recollections = bleak.

Before the game there was a minute’s applause for Jimmy Greaves, during which his face graced the big screen.

Oldham Athletic are fairly athletic, tidy and did try to play football. But they were no match for Brentford and sitting at the bottom of the fourth tier, their priorities probably lie elsewhere. Sad to think they were in the top division less than 30 years ago. Their fans were great though, at times louder than us. And their ‘Can we play you every week?’ chant at 2-0 down brought a smile to everyone’s face.

Being 5–0 up at half time often signifies there’ll be no goals in the second half but there were two, both top notch, the last a thrilling bicycle kick from Wissa. 7–0 in a game where Forss forced in four. A bleak result for Oldham.

Brentford 3 Liverpool 3 – Saturday 25 September 2021

There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And Salah and Mané, Robertson and van Dijk. All of them in fact.

We’d been looking forward to this from the start, though as the week wore on it started to dawn on us – this is the Premier League proper, against one of the big four. A reality hit. But Brentford showed no fear. Liverpool’s defending seemed surprisingly unsteady, and Mo Salah strangely unlucky in front of goal. On the other hand, we played out of our skin, always in the game, in one of our best performances ever.

In the first half, we scored first, then they equalised. In the second half, they went ahead. Uh oh. But then we equalised. They went ahead again. We equalised again. The game flashed by, spellbinding and exhilarating. We’re still buzzing six days later.

Jurgen Klopp was a little stingy in his praise of Brentford’s achievement: ‘They’ll get a few more points, for sure, particularly here.’ For sure, he must’ve been disappointed not to win, and he may even be right. But that statement may well now adorn the noticeboard at Jersey Road.

Not many sides get to put three past Liverpool. And it leaves Brentford ninth in the table, with nine points from six Prem games played. That’s going steady alright.

Thick and fast next month: Brentford take on West Ham, Chelsea, Leicester, Stoke and Burnley

Brentford FC in the Premier League 2021/22 – episode 2

And they’re off!

Brentford 2 Arsenal 0– Friday 13 August 2021

The first Premiership game of the season. Our first top-flight game since handlebar moustaches went out of fashion. An emotional time for fans of all clubs as stadiums welcomed everyone back after more than a year of nearly every match played behind closed doors.

For Brentford, the feeling was even more intense, with the additional heady cocktail of promotion to the biggest league in the world, and departure from one of the loveliest grounds in the world.

Sergei Canos scored for Brentford on 22 minutes. We erupted. ‘Hey-ay Sergi! Ooh ah! I wanna know-oh-oh, how d’you score that goal?’

There was a minute’s applause for Robert Rowan at 28 minutes. He was technical director at Brentford and died three years ago, when he was only 28.

Norgaard got the second goal on 73 minutes, after clever positioning by Pontus and abysmal defending by Arsenal. It was good to see fans of both clubs applaud Saka when Arsenal brought him on, after all the bad stuff that he went through after the Euros final.

It seems Brentford is doing all it can to involve the fans and make it loud. So they must think it makes a difference. Not that they needed to do much on this joyous and emotional evening.

But where were Arsenal? Dunno, but we knew where Brentford were… ‘We are top of the league, I said we are top of the league’, we sang. Because, for 15 hours or so, we really were top of the league.

Crystal Palace 0 Brentford 0 – Saturday 21 August 2021

All I knew about Palace fans before this game was that Mark Steele is one, and so is a bloke I used to work with. They say the away fans love a sing-song. So much so that they are always offering to sing one for you. Oh, and the unlikely rivalry with Brighton.

The journey there was much quicker and easier than we expected. Train from Brentford, quick change at Clapham Junction, then non-stop to Selhurst Park and a 10-minute walk to the ground. There was an old piano in one of the station passages. Inspired fly tipping or street art? We walked past Selhurst Railway Club, a yesteryear drinking establishment.

It’s an old fashioned stadium too, with no clock or scoreboard visible to away fans, never mind a screen showing replays and all that. In the away fans section there was very little leg room, just like in the old days. But it didn’t matter, we were all stood up throughout the game anyway, singing our little hearts out.

The home fans at each end were each given a blue or red flag to wave, coordinated to give alternate vertical red and blue stripes. These were waved before the start of the game. Hmm. Maybe it’s a first home game of the season thing? It was also the first home game for Palace’s new manager, the Arsenal legend Patrick Vieira. Good luck to him, he might need it.

But… Wot! No eagle? Kayla the American Bald Eagle would fly across the stadium before each home game but sadly passed away last year.

Palace have a drummer, behind the goal at the singing end. He is surrounded by a phalanx of mates who sometimes bounce up and down in time to his drumming. It’s a bit weird, not quite a pogo. But it did amuse the Brentford fans.

Wonder how many Eagle-eyed fans noticed the three factual errors in the match day programme snippet about Brentford’s previous game. The result was wrong, the venue was wrong and the date was wrong. Apart from that…

Brentford more than held their own in a game that only came to life near the end, when Palace missed a few good chances. Palace seemed subdued, and so did their fans. None of them Glad All Over.

Thomas applauds Bees fans. We applaud back.

Once out of the ground we rambled northwards through the streets of south London and had a posh pub pint in Streatham.

Brentford 3 Forest Green Rovers 1 – Tuesday 24 August 2021 [EFL Cup aka Carabao Cup]

Big queues trying to get in because of problems with the new turnstiles. So we missed the first four minutes. One of many glitches at the moment along with problems with ticketing and ticket delivery. At least the club communicates well.

We might have been better off missing the entire first half… Brentford’s play was stuttered, disjointed. We gave the ball away a lot. Even our singing wasn’t together. FGR deserved to be 1–0 up at half time. Only a few of our first team regulars were playing, but most of the rest of the side that started tonight usually come on at some point so it wasn’t that weakened a side that FGR were matching man for man.

Overheard in the row behind at half time. ‘So where is Forest Green?’ asked one. Good question. ‘Somewhere around London, I think’ said another. ‘Isn’t it in Birmingham?’ said yet another. There was also mention of their number 3, who has very thick thighs, which is maybe why he’d rolled his shorts up on the inside so they looked like short-shorts. Like Aussie rules players wear.

In the second half Brentford were better. We gradually brought on the big guns. Normal chanting resumed. Final score 3–1 to the Bees.

FGR are eco-friendly and sustainable, rumoured to mark pitches with hummus not paint. Match day grub is all vegan. The kit they wore tonight was a cool green with a few black camouflage markings. They’re near the top of League 2 and play very good football. Reckon they’ll get promoted before long.

Oh, and Forest Green is in Nailsworth. To my shame I don’t know where that is either. But I will look it up.

Aston Villa 1 Brentford 1 – Saturday 28 August 2021

A weekend break in Birmingham and our first visit to Villa Park since 2016 when we drew 1–1 with them in the Championship, during Roberto di Matteo’s brief spell as their manager.

As for the Brentford extended family – Villa manager Dean Smith and players Ollie Watkins and Ezri Konsa are all recent ex-Bees. Ollie even got applause from us when he came on. And when Ezri was down for a few minutes, singing bants with nearby Villa fans replaced the usual booing.

The stadium seems much nicer than last time. Maybe because it’s a sunny day in summer rather than a rainy night in autumn. Maybe it’s because our seats aren’t poked away in a corner. Maybe it’s because they gave the place a bit of a clean during lockdown.

The goals: Ivan Toney got his first Prem goal early on and the impressive Buendia equalised not long after. I thought we were lucky to hang on for the draw. We thank our lucky stars for super sweeper keeper David Raya. So, three games in and we’re tenth. Not bad at all.

The long walk back to the city centre started in the park right next to the stadium where we came across an architectural beauty.

Birmingham’s rich industrial history is visible all around. I never realised just how canal central it is. And as for the city’s heavy metal heritage, look no further than the bench on Black Sabbath Bridge…

Next up: Brighton, Wolves, Oldham and… Liverpool!